I’ve learned not to judge. As a young mother, everytime I thought my kid would never do something, my kid would do exactly that. Because of this, and my own process of evolution, I no longer think, what is wrong with someone, but rather what might have happened to them to make them this way?
Over this cold and rainy winter, I’ve thought about my mother often. As a kid I judged her a great deal, and as the universe often acts as a boomerang, I now sadly get to walk in her shoes.
At first, I knew exactly what not to do, and because she didn’t have a funeral for my Dad, I had a large funeral for my husband. And instead of selling everything, like she did, I refused to sell anything. Because she acted mostly from a place of fear, I simply refused to do anything out of fear, even though I was very afraid. But, I could finally understand with perfect clarity exactly why she did the things she did.
When, I was in high school, I remember thinking, my mother would have been better off, if my father had not left her so financially secure. She had pensions of course, but my father, was an entrepreneur as well, and he liked to buy things; like 6,000 acres of land that he leased, a roller skating rink, lake lots, commercial property in New Hampshire, a bar called Rosie’s on the beach, among other things. So not only was she set for life financially, she was actually wealthy.
Therefore, she didn’t have to do anything, but sit in the house, and do nothing, and that is exactly what she did, even though she was wicked smart. She could add columns of numbers in her head, and she could predict things with an uncanny accuracy. She was so good at this, I once wondered if she was predicting, or was she actually creating the outcome?
When I was in college, I would look at her, and wonder what she would have been, if things had been different.
My husband left me with the many assets we worked together to acquire over the years, but I still have to work, and hard, I might add. It’s expensive to live in the Bay Area. As nice as it would be to be set for life, I am up for the challenges ahead and excited to earn my own way in the world.
Love and blessings.
Sydney 