When I was a little girl, my mother would routinely forget to pick me up from school or leave me waiting for an hour or more in the parking lot with my furious girl scout leaders.
So, when friends let me down or family left me at the airport, Toronto, Vancouver B.C., or Oakland, all was quickly forgiven, as this was not unusual in my world.
Yet, these were offenses that would, for most people, have earned a line through your name, in the words of my friend’s mother, you would be crossed off the list.
It causes chaos to be surrounded by unreliable people. I’ve learned it takes a lot of energy to wonder if your relatives are going to show up for you or not.
Overtime, I learned to manage with or without them, and found ways to protect myself from the disipointment of birthdays left unacknowledged or milestones unattended.
In my family of origin, I became a good giver, but not a receiver, thus blocking the natural and healthy flow required in good relationships, both core components for deepening trust and love.
Even, in my marriage, my husband was very reliable, but most of my circle was not. Leaving me with a very skewed sense of where to put my energies and loyalties.
Now that I have a fully reliable inner circle, at the very least it is luxurious to have friends to remember my birthday, or make my children homemade ice cream when we visit, or never leave me stranded at an airport, but having people to count on is necessary for a secure, happy and productive life.
When I met my friend Jeff, he came to my house to cook me dinner, and then he cleaned out my refidgerator. When he returned to LA, he sent me an entire set of pots and pans, because, in his opinion, someone who has written a cookbook should own better cookware. And, he’s picked me up from the airport on time, plenty of times.
Additionally, I spend a lot of time with my business partner and our circle of sailing friends, and they are the same way, they are reliable, not just sometimes, but all the time.
Of course, in sailing and in life, there are times when you must show up for each other. After all, if you miss castoff you will be left behind.
Stable and predictable relationships make the hard work and time consuming efforts of following your dreams that much easier, and once achieved, that much sweeter.
Love and blessings to all.