Fear Is The Killer of Love

Fear is the killer of love. I’ve known this for a long time, although staying open to love without fear feels like playing the goalie in a game of ice hockey without any protective gear.

The same is true in business. I’ve been working very hard to bring Ocean SF to fruition. I’ve invested my time, money and heart. Along the way, I’ve tapped some of the best players from my past and have put together a remarkable team.  

We are making some beautiful things, not just for our product line, but from an environmental and socially responsible standpoint, we truly are building something very unique, and creating value not simply in what we produce and sell, but in driving our vision for environmentally conscious businesses in general. 

Our sustainable mission and love for the ocean is part of  everything we do and represent. It is the reason why we do what we do. 

Now that we are long past the point of no return, I am aware of my fear of letting go and allowing the changes that are necessary for a business to thrive and grow. 

A direction must be chosen and committed to, and faith and trust in the unknown is no longer simply an ideal, but a necessity. 

Yesterday, I had back to back meetings, I am hiring people to lay the financial future of the company, as we get in position to take money from investors. Andrew and I can no longer alone, do all of the work required, in every aspect of the business. 

To grow the business we need help, and this means trusting other people, committing to a course and executing regardless of our reservations. We understand that we can endlessly weigh the consequences of each decision, but ultimately we must decide, and each decision at this point, has enormous potential to influence our success and future.

During my morning meeting, as I was listening to my financial adviser talk about venture capital, I was nervously tipping the legs of my chair. My mother always warned me that one day, I would break the chair, but it’s a bad habit of mine, that I’ve not been able to break. Predictably, the chair gave way, and I literally fell onto the floor.  This is not something I’ll soon forget. 

I was unharmed, but afterward, I spent time contemplating the significance of this event. 

In the end, I decided to be fearless. I’ll stay calm, make wise choices, trust myself, and other people. I will remain open to change and be willing to take the risks inherent in moving toward my goals and dreams. This is of course, an evolution of sorts, to find my courage and consistently and confidently act on it. 

Sometimes, our fear is what hurts us the most.  

Lesson learned. 

Love and blessings to all. 

A Broken Heart Is a Blessing 

img_4845After a year or so, of heartbreaks, betrayal and loss. I can now see that my broken heart is a blessing. I have so much more compassion and empathy for other people. I can look into their eyes and feel their pain sometimes. I can sit with them without talking. Loss is an inevitable part of life. My losses came early, my father when I was nine and my mother at twenty-nine, my husband, right in the middle of our life, went to work one day and never returned.

Like most people, I’ve had other losses, situations, that were just not meant to be, as they didn’t hold seeds of greatness, but proved over time to be meaningless.

Why our lives are comprised of both the meaningless and miraculous, we can not understand. Our human brain is limited, and it’s not unlike trying to explain a telescope to a chimpanzee.

As I search for answers, I turn to the great philosophers, most recently, Friedrich Nietzsche, whose formula for human greatness is amor fati: that one wants nothing to be different, not in the future, not in the past, not for all eternity. He also promoted the concept of eternal reoccurrence. Simply put, in his work he asserts that we live the same life over and over indefinitely.

To some this may be terrifying to contemplate, but to me I find it hopeful, that I can live each day with more love and understanding and acceptance, without question, and fully embrace each day to the fullest regardless of what it brings. 

Love and blessings to all.

The Inner Circle

When I was a little girl, my mother would routinely forget to pick me up from school or leave me waiting for an hour or more in the parking lot with my furious girl scout leaders.

So, when friends let me down or family left me at the airport, Toronto, Vancouver B.C., or Oakland, all was quickly forgiven, as this was not unusual in my world.

Yet, these were offenses that would, for most people, have earned a line through your name, in the words of my friend’s mother, you would be crossed off the list.

It causes chaos to be surrounded by unreliable people.  I’ve learned it takes a lot of energy to wonder if your relatives are going to show up for you or not.

Overtime, I learned to manage with or without them, and found ways to protect myself from the disipointment of birthdays left unacknowledged or milestones unattended.

In my family of origin, I became a good giver, but not a receiver, thus blocking the natural and healthy flow required in good relationships, both core components for deepening trust and love.

Even, in my marriage, my husband was very reliable, but most of my circle was not. Leaving me with a very skewed sense of where to put my energies and loyalties.

Now that I have a fully reliable inner circle, at the very least it is luxurious to have friends to remember my birthday, or make my children homemade ice cream when we visit, or never leave me stranded at an airport, but having people to count on is necessary for a secure, happy and productive life.

When I met my friend Jeff, he came to my house to cook me dinner, and then he cleaned out my refidgerator. When he returned to LA, he sent me an entire set of pots and pans, because, in his opinion, someone who has written a cookbook should own better cookware. And, he’s picked me up from the airport on time, plenty of times.

Additionally, I spend a lot of time with my business partner and our circle of sailing friends, and they are the same way, they are reliable, not just sometimes, but all the time.

Of course, in sailing and in life, there are times when you must show up for each other. After all, if you miss castoff you will be left behind.

Stable and predictable relationships make the hard work and time consuming efforts of following your dreams that much easier, and once achieved, that much sweeter.

Love and blessings to all.