Dark Night of The Soul or This Must be Christmas

My husband and I eloped and were married outside in the snow on the South Shore of Lake Tahoe.  It was just the two of us and I was wearing a red ski jacket and Levi 501 jeans.  

That was December, 1994.  

I’m not going to lie, this has been a difficult Christmas. Although, everyone warned me, including people I hardly know, I am an optimist and did not really see it coming.

The morning started out well, we had breakfast wearing matching PJ’s, as always.  Absent mindedly, I make goat cheese and herb omelettes. I’m so skilled at this by now, I hardly notice my motions.  We give the most thoughtful of gifts, but 80 minutes later we are on the Ritz- Carlton gondola in a heated three way battle over Snapchat. Of course,  it is never about what it’s about, and regrettable words spill onto the pure white snow. A place that has always been sacred ground for the three of us, where there are no disagreements and we are alive in the present moment.  

I ski one run and I’m so distracted, I think I’m going to break my legs if I don’t go down. And it’s true, I have many near miss collisions as I make my way down from the top to the Northstar Village.  

We are all three strong, and fiercely independent women, my daughter who wants to study philosophy tells me. But of course this is stating the obvious, since our children are so much like us, we end up raising ourselves.  

We then have a philosophical conversation in front of the Northstar Village Starbucks, shouting about love, respect and kindness.  We are essentially saying the same things making the argument a loop that is impossible to resolve.  It ends with much stomping off, satisfying on all accounts, but especially so in boots and ice. 

So, now we have a new memory of Christmas, and it is added to the kolidoscope of past memories, and the lens we use will create a very different picture for each of us.  

Later, at dinner all is calm, I think in 100 years, I will remember this day as only perfect. The pink moment at dusk on the lake, and our hearts beating beautifully in rythym. We are always in sync.