Pain Makes You Beautiful 

Highway 267, Truckee, California
I’ve learned more in 2016 than in the last ten years combined.  I’ve learned to cherish and be grateful for every day no matter how stressful or mundane.  I’ve learned to seek the counsel of my inner circle, ask for help when necessary, and remain calm regardless of what comes my way.  Most importantly, I learned that I am stronger mentally and physically than I ever dreamed.

I’ve sat in stunned silence and felt my heart breaking.  I’ve woken up to perfect summer days with eyes full of tears. I’ve endured the sorrow of what was, and what can never be.

Now, five months later, I sit in Chow in Lafayette, California having breakfast. It is early January and I’m meeting with a former colleague of mine.  We worked together at a successful startup that made music equalization software. It was a glamorous gig and I spent a lot of time in New York City and Los Angeles as their Director of Marketing. I’m not sure when to drop the bomb as I’m pitching him on my own startup.  Finally, I just drop it and tell him. Men always take this news the hardest.

2017 has begun and as with other seasons, like long summers, the time has come for things to end and we move on to the next chapter. I spent two weeks in Truckee in the Tahoe Basin doing hardly more than sleeping. Yes, I had a ski pass and I skied daily even if it was just for a few hours. I entertained friends, hiked with my dog, and sat by the fire and spent time with my children, and of course I worked.  But most nights it was lights out before eleven and I would sleep until 9 am.

It prepared me for the challenges ahead and all of the recalibration that comes with life changes of this magnitude.  My life is busy and full, and I am thankful for the structure that remains from the past, but I am especially thankful for the new people that have come into my life and for the work I am doing now that will create my future.

It’s not just pain that makes a person beautiful.  It is experience that imparts compassion and empathy giving depth to the eyes, and warmth to the soul.

And sleep, and lots of it, can do wonders for anyone.

Happy New Year.

2 thoughts on “Pain Makes You Beautiful 

  1. Your words reflect a depth of beauty and strength. Thank you once again for sharing your journey.
    Though I haven’t experienced your exact loss and can’t imagine the immense pain it brings, I too have seen that pain produces a beautiful deeper character in my life. I’m reminded of one of my favorite verses in Isaiah 61:3 “and provide for those who grieve in Zion– to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of joy instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the LORD for the display of his splendor.”
    Blessings to and your girls!


    1. Lori, As a Catholic I’m not that familiar with the Bible, but throughout this journey I’ve reminded myself that God will give me beauty for ashes if I stay in faith. I am starting to see that now and I am so thankful. I appreciate your kind words and encouragement, and the beautiful verse. Thank you and have a wonderful day.


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