The next step after not needing for things to be different is an acceptance of the way the cards have landed. My business partner, Andrew, who studied philosophy at McGill in Montreal, introduced me this week to the Latin concept of, “Amor Fati,” meaning to love your fate.
I can’t say that I’ve loved my fate, but I can now see that I am only responsible for playing the hand of cards that I have been dealt, and nothing more.
Part of healing from tragedy is looking back to the first time I felt the way I feel now. Through this process, I realized the sudden death of my late husband, crushed me completely, because it reminded me so much of losing my own father, and then, I had to watch in horror as my own precious daughters had to endure the same nightmare.
I’m not going to lie, it’s been difficult to stay focused, and to look and plan ahead. “Do not grieve too long,” my Auntie Pat, advised me. It’s easy to feel sorry for yourself, especially when it is warranted, she warned.
I’m glad that this past 12 months is behind us, and now we move on to the next phase. One child in college, the other thriving at home. Both on track in every way that I believe matters, my work is clicking along, and all is well.
Looking back, this feeling of contentment is similar to how I felt at 20 years old attending the University of London, and living in my own flat, on the second floor of a house near Hyde Park in London. I had a black and white T.V., a gas heater, that took coins, and I would study while watching reruns of Bewitched and The Partridge Family.
Weekends were spent at plays, the opera, and the symphony. My flat mates were students at the London School of Architecture, and I would take my school friends to their parties where we would meet CNN News correpondents, and people from all over the world.
Later, I felt this way again, when I moved to Polk and Chestnut in San Francisco. I was content to stay home and read, or go out, either way, it made no difference. I was consistently happy and longed for nothing more.
Love and blessings to all.