Love Her More

For some reason, I was thinking endings when I dropped my daughter off in LA to start her college freshman year, but instead we are now at a new beginning, and are closer than ever before.

Over the last year or so, we were literally like two ships passing in the night. We would often have lunch together, grab a quick coffee or take a short trip together, but I wasn’t really listening to her, I heard her voice, but did not discern, or hear the inner thoughts, behind her words, like I once did.

When she was little, she told me everything, but during the teen years, I discovered she hid many things from me, as is normal. Many times, I would find out what she was up to, we live in a very small town after all, but I would stay quiet to allow, and protect, her privacy.

A few times, I got that call, but it was never from her, but one of her grade school classmates, asking me to collect her from a party, because she wasn’t feeling well.

I loved these calls, as these friends still call me Mrs. Thomas like they did when I was their room mom. I would then pick up my disheveled child, take her home, feed and hydrate her, and watch her sleep.

There is no better place to raise kids than Lamorinda. I heard this often as we settled into our dilapidated, five bedroom, fixer upper, and now I believe it to be true.

Recently, my younger daughter had a dozen friends over, the boys showed up at the door with a cracker platter, clearly raised by their well mannered mothers, to never show up empty handed.

Now, my daughter is in Southern California, we FaceTime, we text, we email, we share google documents of her writing projects, we tag each other in photos, we talk on the phone, I send her videos of me, the house, the dog, or her sister’s messy bathroom. I send her packages. And most recently we Snapchat. We are far away, but close again.

Her room is now empty, it looks like she walked out leaving everything she didn’t want behind. The unloved clothes hang forlornly in the closet. And I miss her, but she is with me now as I go about my day, so I am cherishing this time simultaneously.

When I had this child, and held her in my arms, I didn’t think I could ever love her more than I did at that moment, but I did, and I do.

Love and blessings.

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