I could feel the idea float down as I drove through the fallow winter landscape from Sacramento to San Francisco. The fields were grey and spread out into the distance in the dim winter light. The idea was that I can fall into fear and indecision, or I can step into my power and create a life that is truly magical.
This was early December before I decided to let my daughter buy me a plane ticket to Rome on Wow air as an early birthday and Christmas present. Initially, I thought spending New Years in Rome was a bad idea. Looking back now this is laughable as it was one of the most cherished memories of my lifetime.
As I begin to make concrete decisions about my future I can see that I have a very clear and distinct choice. I can cling to the past, I can even live in the past as many people do. I can keep the status quo and allow fear to be my guide keeping me safe, but stuck, or I can completely break with the past and put all of my energy into building a spectacular future.
When my daughters were small I knew the most important thing I could teach them was the ability to be comfortable with change, being alone and trying new things.
Often I would get calls from the mothers of their school friends asking which extracurricular classes my daughters were taking. These well meaning mothers would suggest we sign up together so the girls would have a friend. I would explain that we did not do things this way.
It did not make me popular on any front to drop my six year old off alone at an oceanography class at UC Berkeley. I even avoided the cliques in dance classes signing up for the off days of my daughter’s friends. Thus putting them in the opposite cast as their regular school friends. This allowed them to meet new people and be comfortable on their own.
I grew up on a fifty acre farm. I spent a great deal of time alone. Our dog, the barn cats and the horses were my friends. Rainy afternoons were spent indoors with my books. In this way I became my own best friend. It allowed me to go to school in London without knowing a soul. To travel through Europe alone. To leave the security of my hometown and move to California. To meet new people, take interesting jobs, fall in love and so on.
After twenty years in Moraga, I’m comfortable with my cliques. I have friends galore, a beautiful home and a wonderful life. Yet, change is good. I want to evolve and have new experiences. I want to believe that I can not just have a good life, but a great life. This means I will have to step out of my comfort zone in so many ways. Am I scared? Yes. Will it be worth it? Probably.
Love and blessings.
Sydney 