The Future Is Now

Tahoe July, 2008
As the first days of this month dawned, I set an intention that I would make them as lovely as was possible. 

It is the first anniversary of the death of my husband on July 25th and as I wrote in my blog post Beauty for Ashes, I wanted the last thing that I do for him, and the family we had together, to be beautiful.  I’ve promised myself that after I do this last sad errand, I will move forever into my future.

I had prayed that this month would not be filled with sorrow and that the three of us could find joy in this time together regardless of the events of the past, because life is for the living, after all. And so far it’s been possible to stand in the middle between the future and the past.

We had a wonderful 4th of July surrounded by dear friends and loved ones, but sometimes it’s impossible to not pick at the wound.  I studied the photos of the 4th of July of years past, and read back to the final emails from my husband in the last days before he died. 

It was apparent he had no idea what would happen to him, and for myself, this makes me even more committed to living my life fully. 

I wanted a year to myself to grieve, reflect, and collect my thoughts. I’ve had days and days of solitude, and I’ve taken the time to organize my life, plan my steps forward, and lay a strong foundation for my future. 

It’s been almost a year, and the future is now. 

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