I’ve been researching love, and have found some interesting facts. Love releases the same chemicals in our brains as compulsive and obsessive disorders. We also associate love with misery as if suffering in love is proof of love. One researcher asserts that we should change our metaphors for love; we do not fall in love, we step into love. This is less dramatic, but does not carry with it fearful thoughts of pain and injury.
So, we can reframe love and think of it as a collaboration. It is something you make, not something you fall into unexpectedly like a manhole.
I’ve been getting this feeling lately that love really is the third thing. It is what you make when you take the time to develop a good relationship and not let it swollow you whole.
It’s a radical act to ask for what you want, but it is possible to assess what you have to offer, and then talk to your love about what you would like to make together. And then make that. Of course, this requires trust, effort, compromise and patience like any work of art.