Fear of Money 

One of my personal ideosynchroncies is a fear of money. This is odd because I’m actually very, very good with money, and exceptionally good at making it.

When I married I had absolutely no debt, a sizable 401k and savings accounts, and I owned my car outright. As a marketing consultant I made $100 per hour and I worked ten hours per day or more, and also weekends. Regardless of always being very successful, this fear has persisted throughout my life. I dread opening bank statements for fear the money will have somehow disappeared. I dread going to the ATM for the same reason. I am constantly terrified my wallet will be stolen.

So, I like to collect assets like land, houses, cars and boats. It makes me feel secure to own three cars, and two boats, free and clear.

When my late husband would give me jewelry, unlike most women, the first thought that would go through my head was, I can sell this if I ever have to.

Today, I decided it’s time I get over this. So, I started to think about where this initial fear came from and when I first felt this way.

When I was about seven years old my grandmother came to visit with my aunt, and they gave me money to buy a toy and took me to the store in town. I gave my older sister my money to carry in her purse. As I was looking at toys and deciding what to buy, my sister checked out and used my money to buy herself a stuffed dog.

My grandmother simply said, “it looks like you put your money in the wrong wallet.”  We got in the car, and nothing more was ever said of it.

I know this was a very long time ago, but I can still feel the pain of that day as if it was yesterday.

It’s time to move forward into the life of happiness and prosperity that I have worked so hard to cultivate, and know I deserve.

Love and blessings to all.

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